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NEW YORK—Huh, I wonder where everyone is, said the emotionally disturbed publishing professional, bringing the high-powered assault weapon down from eye-level and slowly snapping the safety back on. Definitely thought they'd be back from that sandwich place by now.
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ROCHESTER, NY—Sean Ridgeway, a 36-year-old carpenter who is fond of popular rock 'n' roll music from the late 1960s to the present, told...
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ROCKFORD, IL—The elderly grandmother of four told reporters that, while she would hate for anything to go to waste, she would be equally upset if one of her guests reached into her wicker basket and found nothing but crumbs.
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NEW YORK—Although Jordan McCabe intends to stay at home, he will inevitably grow antsy, drive to a nearby pub and bump into at least five insufferable pricks.
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The Onion $10 Tees Through The Weekend at The Onion Store: Like A Mall For Sociophobes

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The Onion, America's Finest News Source, is an award-winning publication covering world, national, and * local issues. It is updated daily online and distributed weekly in select American cities.
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I take pride in who I am. Always have, always will. I've worked hard my whole life and have never taken anyone's charity, and I'm not about to...
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PHOENIX—Stressing that it would be really good to get there by Saturday afternoon, the U.S. Secretary of Needing Transportation issued a formal request Monday stating that he would be happy to tag along on any potential weekend trips to Tucson.
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The Onion NEWSWIRE: Overheard Music Indicates New Upstairs Neighbor Either Interesting Woman Or Intolerable Man

El 23 de noviembre a las 13:50
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files/radionews/W09-003-Celeb-Seize-Africa.mp3
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SCRANTON, PA—After nearly six years on the air, NBC's hit show The Office ended abruptly Thursday when documentary filmmaker Ian...
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The Onion, America's Finest News Source, is an award-winning publication covering world, national, and * local issues. It is updated daily online and distributed weekly in select American cities.
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The Onion New 'Noveller' Allows People To Post Novels They Write During Course Of Their Day

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SAN FRANCISCO—I love it, said Sheena Wulf, a Novellist fromKansas City, MO. If I'm ever sitting in a coffee shop and my sense of alienation and utter detachment from contemporary life provides me ...
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The Onion NEWSWIRE: Senior Center Activities Coordinator Bets Those Hands Can Go Higher Than Those Heads

El 20 de noviembre a las 13:50